A Fundamental Disagreement

This was the moment, if I had any agency as a toddler, I would have walked away from my family. I disagreed with my father–I mean really locked horns. Our farmer friend had given me a lamb to keep as a pet. Maybe he was even the same lamb I cradled as a newborn thatContinue reading “A Fundamental Disagreement”

Everything

Somewhere in New Zealand. We were befriended by a farmer and his wife when the Volvo broke down in front of their farm. They insisted we stay, not just for dinner, the whole night. I was little. Three, maybe four. In the morning, the farmer invited me to accompany him on his rounds. Just me.Continue reading “Everything”

Just a Dream

I had a dream about New Zealand. A dream so realistic I didn’t realize it was a dream; I thought it was a memory, and stored it as such. The beginning of childhood proper in America, the end of toddlerhood in New Zealand; I’d checked lots of memories with my older brother by this stage.Continue reading “Just a Dream”

The Chickens

New Zealand. We had chickens. They were expected to lay eggs, but I don’t think they ever did. Our chicken coop was routinely raided by neighborhood dogs. Feathers, blood. Every chicken gone. Except one. A little brown bantam named Chicken Little would emerge from the straw, the shadows…She was mine. We’d get more chickens, andContinue reading “The Chickens”

Still a Caterpillar

Sometimes I change my life so drastically it’s almost like killing myself. Moving blind from New York City to South Australia, from London to a San Francisco youth hostel, from Australia to an island off the coast of Maine. I focus on the beginning, the new. I don’t think about the old–the ghost of aContinue reading “Still a Caterpillar”

America

At some point when we lived in New Zealand–I think I was three–my mother took me to visit her home state of California. I don’t remember that trip. But back then, I’d logged it thusly: America is Disneyland. Disneyland was all I remembered. Mickey, Minnie, Goofy, the whole gang: huge, smiling, waving, posing-for-photos, draping-an-arm-around-you, big-headedContinue reading “America”